Calgary Salvation Army Fightin' Vampires this Xmas

Because nothing takes the pagan iconography out of Christmas like banning toys that "promote black magic, vampires, and the occult".

Downside: this effectively cuts out a good quarter of all books published in the Teen genre, some of which are actually quite good.

Upside: this insulates the underprivileged from the tyranny of incredible, incredible hack Stephanie Meyer and her 100% totally positive depictions of interpersonal relationships.

I only have this to say. I think it is sufficient.

"Down for the Count", by someone named poopbear